


color me in

by gertiemcfuzz



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-15
Updated: 2016-02-15
Packaged: 2018-05-20 17:33:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6018673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gertiemcfuzz/pseuds/gertiemcfuzz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A reworking of 1x13. What I think should have happened to give Astra the redemption arc she deserved. Pre-Astra x Alex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	color me in

Alex got to her feet, trying to keep her movements slow and unimposing. She watched as Astra’s hand trembled around the blade held tight within it. She made brief eye contact with J’onn, and nodded, letting him know she had the solution if it became necessary.

“Astra, put the knife down, there’s been enough pain today, I know you don’t want to be the cause of any more.”

“He’s standing in the way of our plans, his death will save you all.” She sounded robotic, the tone of her voice not matching the words coming out of her mouth.

“That’s not why you’re doing this though, is it Astra?” Alex asked, already knowing the answer, finding confirmation in the way Astra’s hands shook harder. “I put up more of a fight than he did but you didn’t hurt me, try to kill me.”

“You’re Kara’s sister, it would hurt her.”

“Killing him will hurt her too. Yes, I’m Kara’s sister, but that man is the closest thing we’ve both had to a father in a long time. Kara will be hurt if you kill him, Kara will be hurt if you kill anyone.”

Astra stayed silent, clenching her jaw and breathing deeply from her nose in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay.

“Astra,” Alex spoke softly, “Astra look at me.” She commanded.

The other woman looked up, and Alex could see the tears in her eyes, she pushed the blade closer to J’onn’s throat, not wanting him to try something now that her attention was on Alex. He didn’t move, wanting to give his agent the chance they both knew Astra needed, the chance both she and Kara deserved for them to give her.

Alex held Astra’s eyes for another short moment, then shook her head sadly. “You don’t want to hurt anybody tonight do you?” She asked rhetorically. “You know what I think? I think you’re tired, I think everything has gotten out of control and you don’t know what to do about it. So you’re going to try to force my hand. You see some kind of bravery in that don’t you? You get to die a hero’s death, stay true to your cause, instead of admitting that it’s all gotten away from you.

“I think you hurt so much that it’s taken you over.” Alex continued. “You lost everything you loved, everything that you fought so hard for. I think you hate yourself for not succeeding, I think you hate Alura for failing you, for failing Kara and the rest of Krypton, and I think you even hate Kara a little bit for surviving because if she hadn’t this would all be easier for you, you wouldn’t have begun to doubt yourself so much.”

“I love my niece!” Astra roared.

“I know you do,” Alex replied, holding her hands up, “which makes it worse. You love them so much and it makes it hard to reconcile all of those other emotions, that hate, that contempt, and you’re left with this cycle of anger and confusion and sadness. All of that pain has been swirling around inside of you since the minute you were sent to Fort Rozz. For the past twelve years, you’ve been able to distract yourself from it, your fight was renewed here on Earth, a second chance, but the minute Kara reveled herself that stopped working.”

Astra’s face pulled into an even tighter grimace, eyes slamming shut, shaking her head to try to clear Alex’s words away.

“She made you realize how different it could have been. She’s suffered so many of the same pains as you, held all of the burdens of a lost race on her shoulders and she can still find enough love and compassion inside of herself to help them without hurting them. And instead of letting that inspire you, you’re letting it resign you.

“When you see her, you see your own failures reflected back, but you shouldn’t. You should look at her and see all of the things you’ve done right, you helped make her into who she is today. Alura and Zor-El taught her to be kind and gentle and fair, but you taught her to be curious, not to just accept everything without question but to push to learn more. You helped to make her just as strong as they did, you should look at her and see that, and you should see all of the potential you have to do things right _now_.”

Alex could see Astra’s hand begin to loosen just so slightly on the knife, her eyes opening again, once more watching Alex intently.

“Astra-” She begun again but was cut off by the woman herself.

“I’m afraid of what happens next.” Astra admitted softly.

“I know, that’s okay, it’s okay to be afraid. I’m afraid all of the time, but you can’t let that fear paralyze you. We can help you, Kara can help you, _I_ will help you.”

“I still believe in it all.” Astra confessed almost timidly as though she expected Alex to take her words back at the admission.

“You should,” Alex told her, “I do too. I think you’re right, I think we need to treat this planet better, we need to understand our impact, and make changes. But this isn’t the way to do that.” She gestured to the still open control box. “There’s a better way.”

Astra tightened her grip again, looking more conflicted than ever, Alex knew she was close to letting this all go.

“There’s a better way.” Alex repeated. “Right now. There’s a better way to end this than making me kill you. Think about Kara, think of everything she’s lost, all of the pain she’s experienced, do you really want to add her sister killing her aunt to that list? After everything Non put her through today, she needs you now more than ever. You’re her last connection to Krypton, you’re the only one who holds the same memories.”

Alex let her words sink in before going in for the proverbial kill. “She loves you, and she needs you. Don’t be a coward, be strong and put the knife down. Let us help you.” She all but commanded it.

Astra’s eyes held Alex’s, and after one last deep breath she let her knife fall, following it down as her knees gave out, chin hitting her chest as she finally let the sobs she’d been holding in go.

J’onn stood up and stepped back, knowing Alex needed to be the one to finish this.

She did, kneeling down in front of the crying woman, she reached to her belt, taking out the kryptonite laced handcuffs. “I need to do this for all of our safety, okay?” She asked as her other hand reached for Astra’s.

Astra gave a small nod, still not looking up, but pushing her hands out to Alex and allowing the handcuffs to be snapped into place.

“Okay.” Alex whispered out once they were secured.

“Kara is lucky to have a sister who is willing to do all of this for her.” Astra spoke finally.

“This isn’t just for her. I’m doing this for you, Astra. You deserve a second chance.” Alex spoke with conviction.

Astra’s sobs tore through her once more and she collapsed against the other woman in exhaustion. Alex wrapped her arms around her tightly. “Okay, okay, shhh, okay.” She whispered.

That’s how Kara found them when she arrived few minutes later, kneeling awkwardly on the pavement, Alex still holding Astra tight and whispering assurances to her, J’onn still standing back trying to look like this whole thing wasn’t making him uncomfortable.

That night, when she was settled into her new room at the DEO (because apparently cells were only for prisoners, which she wasn’t this time, even if she wouldn’t be allowed to leave for a while) as she listened to her niece tell her all about her dream world and the role she’d played in it, she decided she’d make the right choice to accept their help.

And in the coming weeks, as Alex brought her breakfast every morning and stayed to eat with her, listening to her talk about everything and nothing; sparring with her in the afternoons, so she wouldn’t lose her edge when the DEO eventually brings her on as a new agent, which Alex insists will happen sooner or later once they see she’s no longer a threat; and once or twice, as Alex comes in at night to hold her hand as she falls asleep, knowing from the surveillance tapes that she still has nightmares occasionally; Astra realizes that her second chance might be more than just rebuilding her relationship with her niece, it might even mean building something just as special with the woman who refuses to give up on her, the one who convinced her not to give up on herself.

**Author's Note:**

> Whatcha guys think? I love Astra and Laura Benanti and I'm not ready to see them go, and I'd love to see more of Alex and Astra together too.


End file.
